Views on the disabled

Today I went for a walk. Going for a walk in Vietnam is not the relaxing, quiet activity I would usually think of it as. Particularly at 5pm, when EVERYONE seems to be out in the streets, Kids playing some game that involved throwing thongs like frisbees along the road, or skipping. Parents chatting to neighbours, grandparents holds babies, families sitting on the patio and eating. All of these people stop when I walk by, most smile back at me, or call out Hello (often after I have already walked past..... leading to confusing turning around to hello back over my shoulder amid kids giggles). Some just stare..... in a somewhat disconcerting manner - I combat this with a huge smile, often it makes them laugh or smile back... some continue to stare.


But today, I met a young woman who, at a guess I would think has cerebral palsy. A woman I will assume was her mother was outside with 2 young boys (possible grandchildren?). She had smiled and waved and encouraged the boys to say hello when I first walked past. On the return journey it was the same. But on the return journey I also noticed the young woman sitting on the front steps of the house. She had obviously been carried out so she could join in the street party, but was left on the front steps rather than sitting in the dirt of the street. She was grinning and waving at me so enthusiastically that she was almost falling over. I mimed to the woman to ask if I could go inside her gate to say hello. she smiled and pointed to the young lady and I think told me her name. I went in (taking off my shoes at the bottom of the steps) and sat with her. In my extraordinarily limited Vietnamese I said hello, and my name is Lucy, It's nice to meet you. we shook hands, and smiled at each other. and i wished so much that I was able to talk with her more. I am not certain that she can speak, or that it would be clear. But i believe she understood me.... or at least enjoyed being spoken to!
But it was obvious to me that she was a loved and valued family member. One of the boys started crying (to be honest, he stopped when I left... I think my weirdness scared him!) and she held out her arms and he immediately went for cuddles.
This meeting was the highlight of my day. And it got me thinking....

I think, a lot of Westerners have this preconceived idea that in developing countries like Vietnam people with disabilities are shunned, or not wanted and given to orphanages because their parents are ashamed, or unwilling to care for them.

In my experience that couldn't be further from the truth.

Yes, one of the orphanages we visit has kids with disabilities, and I can't claim to know the reasons that they were taken there. However there are far more orphanages with typically developing children. Because their parents just can't afford to look after them, because of trauma or death during childbirth, because it is a country racked with poverty and without all of the government assistance that we have.

All of the parents I have met with kids with disabilities, from autism to intellectual impairment to cerebral palsy, have obviously adored their children and are trying their hardest to do the absolute best possible for them.

My special little darling Ngan has the most beautiful relationship with her parents. Usually her Mum is in the room for the whole session - helping out, using sign language to show me what Ngan is asking for if none of the translators are around, doing the fine motor activities with Ngan if we are busy with other children until we are able to come do the walking. But Dad often drops them off and then goes back to work. When he returns she absolutely lights up, and usually wants to do more walking, or standing, or generally show off whatever we have been doing that session. She did go to school (rare for kids with CP, even if they have wheelchairs, because the schools just finds it slightly harder than other kids so refuses them). When she was at school though she was in her wheelchair all day, and the family felt she was getting weaker by not exercising. So now Mum home schools and does exercises, Dad takes her for walks outside so she gets to explore the world.
At the moment Dad is planning to build her a walking frame so we are trying to work out the best design.

While I was travelling we stopped for coffee at a little shop on a small island in the river (basically, we got a ferry to the island, drove over it in a more or less straight line, then got a ferry off on the other side). While we were having our coffee a young girl was chasing 2 rather harassed looking dogs around. Thanh explained that she adores the dogs, last time he was here they were running away from her and she cried:(, he also explained that she has some of intellectual impairment. On this occasion, it would seem she was chasing the dogs for a bath in the river. Mum was helping her between making coffees for customers, laughing and smiling and helping chase dogs around. Dad was playing cards with a group of guys in the coffee shop. but when a dog ran past he stopped the card game to scoop it up and help her. there was no hiding in the shadows, or avoiding showing you mates that your child is disabled.

At the autism clinic, I have started seeing a 17 year old boy named Luc. Initially he wasn't about to come because the family are too poor to take the time from work to bring him to the clinic, or pay for a taxi. I get the feeling they are extremely poor and have always been unable to help him as much as they would like. With some fund raising someone sponsored a month worth of motorbike taxi's to bring him to and from the clinic. The director of the clinic however, changed the plan. Turns out, his sister just finished school, and the director felt that with a child as old as him at the clinic they really need another person (all the other kids are 5-8ish years old). So she offered his sister the job, meaning that she can be his carer at the clinic get a (albeit small) wage for the family and the fundraising is instead helping his sister pay for gas to come in everyday, and learn the skills to work at the clinic. As a bonus she is also able to watch the session and learn how we are working with him, to then go home and show her family.


The country lacks access to anything for kids with disabilities. Whether support for the family, therapies to help kids develop, healthcare in the early days, hours, minutes, or equipment like orthotics. But it doesn't lack love.